Should You Continue Tolerating a Bad Marriage?

Marriage has many dimensions. There is no other relationship that even comes close to it because it caters to every need of an individual’s personality.

When two partners get married, it is nothing less than the beginning of a new chapter in life for them. They have their entire life ahead of them and the possibilities are endless. The lives of the two married partners get intertwined with each other as soon as they say their sacred vows and their entire lifestyle changes from day one. They immediately move to a new house of their own and begin to live together. They develop an intimate relationship and discuss all their problems and little secrets with each other.

The married couple acts as one social unit and the partners develop a close rapport with each other’s relatives. They give emotional support to each other and provide a shoulder to lean on in times of crises and personal problems. The two spouses are even more strongly united as one family when they have children. They look forward to parenthood and bringing up the kids to adulthood and success in life.

Marriage, when it runs smoothly and the partners remain faithful and affectionate with each other, can be a blessing. It can prove to be a rock-solid anchor of your life that makes you weather all the storms. However, if the marriage is not successful, it can have the opposite effect. The life of the partners becomes hell. They suffer from stress and anxiety and there are frequent quarrels in the house. The family atmosphere gets vitiated and all members of the family – especially the children – suffer as the partners slog it out.

A marriage can turn sour due to many reasons. The partners may have incompatible personalities and refuse to see eye to eye with each other. Marriages usually run well for the first couple of years. After this, the novelty of the relationship begins to wear off and familiarity begins breeding contempt among the partners for each other. Things worsen if the partners are not good with conflict resolution. This ensures that small things blow out of proportion and lead to shouting matches and bad moods that run for days, if not weeks.

One of the worst things to happen to any marital relationship is physical or emotional abuse. This really makes one’s marriage and home hell, driving some victims to even contemplate suicide. The family atmosphere may also get corroded if one of the partners is discovered by the other to be having an extra-marital affair.

When things reach such a pass that it is very difficult to continue with the marriage; the time comes to ask yourself the question: “Will I be better off filing for a divorce?” This is not an easy decision because it is a choice between the devil and the deep sea. Divorce has tremendous negative implications for the family. In fact, it gets disintegrated. The partners have to go their own ways. The family assets get divided between the two, and the children have to stay with one parent, usually the mother.

Children of divorced parents undergo tremendous stress and insecurity, which takes its emotional toll. They start lagging behind in studies and often get involved in petty crime or even drugs. Some of them turn bullies. Psychologically, they imbibe the message that human relationships cannot be depended upon. This prevents them from forming stable relationships when they grow up.

Divorced partners have their own problems. They may develop a guilt complex and blame themselves for causing the break-up of the relationship. The spouse who feels victimised usually feels anger and rage at having been outmanoeuvred and abandoned. The negative emotions are sometimes severe enough that professional help has to be sought. Many single mothers fall on bad days financially after divorce, while the fathers may feel cheated out of their wealth due to the court’s judgement regarding division of property.

Considering this fallout, one may be tempted to ask the question: “Is divorce worth it?” The answer to this only you can provide considering your unique situation and problems. If you think the social and emotional cost of break-up would be too high, you should grin and bear your marriage for the sake of the family and children. However, if the relationship becomes unbearable and caustic, there is no harm in filing for divorce and going your own separate way.

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James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com